CDA, Idaho — I met my first “Karen” today and I was shaking for 30 minutes afterward. No need to go into all the details. I may have shared in the complicity of the encounter taking a wrong turn, but if so, it was not intentional. And I apologized several times. She wouldn’t hear of it. Suffice it to say that it was in a thrift shop with too-narrow clothing aisles and I wanted to revisit a rack of jeans when my initial try-ons didn’t fit. She and her grown daughter had a cart totally blocking the aisle. I asked politely if I could get in and look. Then she went off. Come to find out, from an employee who saw the whole thing go down, she is a regular and “always rude.” It didn’t help much. I walked away before she could escalate. I was confused and hurt. And I apologized.
I am very, very rarely intentionally rude unless someone is deliberately being nasty. Even so, it takes a lot now to cause my anger to visibly erupt. In fact, I usually go overboard in trying to consider everyone else’s feelings before mine.
But that’s not the point here. The point — the moral of the story, I guess — is that I again realized firsthand how a toxic response to someone’s inadvertent or non-thinking actions can strongly and unfairly impact the recipient. Before Covid, I was sometimes guilty of sharp words when a service worker such as a cashier or customer service phone rep tried my patience by handling my transaction or issue cluelessly, dismissively, or illogically. Now, I give everyone in those positions the benefit of the doubt. Even if they are not really trying their best and just phoning it in, customer-facing jobs are tough these days. I always try now to practice kindness and patience, and hide my irritation if it is triggered. Same goes for public interactions. Unless someone is deliberately being cruel or destructive, I try to keep on an even keel. My first effort in encountering anyone is to smile and nod or say hello. But I’m not perfect, and sometimes I do lose my cool. Much more so in the past than now, and I’m improving — and learning — continually.
Someone could be having a bad day for reasons nothing to do with the present situation. Someone could be in a hurry for a critical reason, not just because they feel entitled to race ahead or jump a line. We don’t know what’s going on in other people’s lives that causes them to behave in an unacceptable manner. Sore feet? Anxiety? Emotional overload? Sick child? Previous argument? Financial stress? I’ve been there.
So this was a good wakeup call today, to realize the impact of hurtful words and actions on others. Duly noted. Thanks, Karen. You didn’t ruin my day after all. You helped me be better. — Adele
Listen to the first episode of the Flashback Garage podcast here.